The idea came to me gradually.

I never talked about my experience as an engineer on stage because I didn’t think it would be particularly funny or relatable.

In my mind, those around me viewed my life in software as uninteresting and undesirable, a corporate sellout bound to the constraints of a nine to five. Isn’t that precisely what my peers had turned their backs on in pursuit of their comedy dreams?

However, every now and again, I’d hear a woman on stage mention her experience in technology or engineering and I’d feel an immediate kinship. Even if we had nothing else in common, we existed at a unique intersection of two disparate worlds with very little overlap.

And very few women.

Though it started out as just a feeling, the more time I spent immersed in this bizarre and sparsely-populated Venn diagram, the more this feeling of connection grew and I began wondering if there was a fun way to bring these women together.

And if anyone else on earth would care.

The idea continued to percolate and then, as soon as I worked up the courage to say it out loud, I knew that I would eventually have to make it happen.

I was going to host a comedy show with a lineup of all women👏 in👏 STEM👏.

the execution

I had never produced a show before and I wanted to do it well, so I reached out to a comic I admire and took her out to coffee to pick her brain.

It was obvious that she had put in a lot of work to create an awesome experience for both the comics and the audience and that was something I wanted to emulate.

As I began querying venues, I defined what an "awesome experience" meant for each party:

• audience - a night full of high-quality comics, a fun venue with a great atmosphere, a smooth and professional show that started and ended on time, all for a reasonable price. I wanted to provide a great night that was worth people's time and money.
• comics - an enthusiastic audience to promote their work to, great pictures and videos of their sets, and payment for their time. Often, the opportunity for stage time is incentive enough to say yes to a show, but I wanted to tangibly show the comics how much I appreciated their work.

Ultimately, I wanted to create an experience that people enjoyed, valued, and wanted to be a part of.

making it happen

I encouraged the other comics to promote the show, but I had no expectation that they would do much more than share the social media posts I created and maybe invite a friend or two.

I knew that if I wanted the theater to be full, I was in charge of filling it.

Though I typically hate self-promotion (particularly when it includes asking people to spend money), I found that as I told people about the show, my genuine excitement (coupled with my very real fear of failure) enabled me to push through the discomfort of putting myself out there.

I didn't mind asking people to spend their time and money because I was dead set on ensuring their investment would be worth it.

i went all in

When I have a goal, I become obsessive, functioning from an inexplicable internal drive that very rarely allows me to engage with something half-heartedly. “Casual” is simply not in my nature.

I could not tell you how many times I checked the number of tickets sold, but I can tell you it was unhealthy. My id craved the dopamine hit of seeing ticket sales climb higher, external validation that my work was paying off, that people might actually show up.

I was constantly making mental lists of the people who’d said they’d come, assessing the probability that they actually would, and determining if/when it would be appropriate to reach out and gently remind them to buy their ticket.

These repetitive assessments loitered in the corners of my mind, seizing any opportunity to step into the limelight of my mental functioning and remind me exactly how many tickets I had left to sell.

Even as I neared the night of the show and I came to the realization that there weren't enough tickets left for everyone who told me they wanted to come, the recalculating only got louder. It wouldn’t rest until every ticket was sold.

and...enjoyed it???

In order to confront these voices continually reminding me I had not yet achieved my goal, I spent hours coming up with lists of people and organizations to reach out to, planning and creating Instagram posts, and hanging up posters around town.

I'd sit in my kitchen until one or two in the morning editing the minutiae of the event description, only to wake up at five (without an alarm) the next day to pick up where I left off. 

As I spent night after night dedicated to my goal, I began to realize the ways in which this particular venture combined several of my unique attributes (the good, the bad, and the sometimes-problematic) in positive and productive ways.

My desire to prove myself, to be seen as successful and impressive by my peers and community, collaborated quite effectively with my obsessive perfectionism, anxiety, and fear of failure and resulted in an awesome event.

venturing into the unknown

I have historically found success in life by following prescribed steps and there was no guidebook for this particular venture.

As someone who craves assured outcomes, structures her life around a need for control, and deeply fears making the "wrong choice," that reality was terrifying.

On the podcast How I Built This, I’ve always been impressed and confused by the people who have said “I didn’t know what I was doing, I just kept doing it.”

My rigid brain struggles to grasp that seemingly laissez-faire attitude towards ambiguity but in retrospect, that’s kind of what happened.

What started as a silly idea evolved into an incredible night and details that seem so obvious in retrospect began as questions I originally didn't even know to ask.

My initial goal was to "produce a comedy show" and what was intended as a final destination has transformed into the foundation of a platform I want to continue to build.

This show was a success because of the efforts, guidance and talent of so many people and I am so grateful for each person who was willing to show up and be a part of this wacky idea.

The show is happening again in a few weeks, and then after that, who knows?

I have ideas and I have a vision, but I don't really know what I'm doing. I'm just grateful for everyone who joins in along the way.